So it took 23 hours without sleep to make me see straight, but for the first time in about a week and a half, I feel driven to do something. Nothing specific, I suppose, just theres now motivation to be active whereas before there was none. This is good.
I'm not going to over react and say it was her that kicked me out of it, but I was lost in vices because I had nothing to work towards, and her words hit me as hard as i needed them to, despite her having nothing but the softest of intentions for me, and so now I'm back and I want to pretend the last week and a half never happened.
I was afraid I'd lost myself and afraid that because of this, I'd forgotten how to talk to her, but to my relief and joy, it's not difficult at all despite times and distances. She makes me laugh too, she makes me catch myself unawares, which not many people can do. Barriers down now, and masks aside, I've got to get back to being me again, and I'm looking forward to it for the first time since I got here.