"So here's a message, to let you know I still exist"

At least, I think I do. It all got a bit blurry today, and so it depends on how you define existing. I think I'm existing... I'm not sure that I'm living though. I've talked about it here before, but theres still just a numbness in me where I know other people have heartbeats and feelings and dreams and all those things you're meant to have. I've been kidding you all that I'm fine, sometimes pretty badly, but it's been because I've had to kid myself that I'm fine.

Last night through to today I kind of broke down. The life I've been living caught up with me and I realised that for all I think I've learnt and become, this void is still there.

I'll try to be better in the new year. Theres not much of this one left, and what remains of if feels like a write off anyway.

Sorry everyone.