Still having a shit time of it. Everyone's announcing they're going to be dropping like flies, which is worse than just going because it means I get to think about it for a few months. I gave up a lot just to be here, and now the reasons for me throwing away a life are letting me know it might not have been worth it.

However, things like a few key records coming out soon are keeping me going. A couple of bands should be putting out some serious shit in the next few months, I think I'm going to sink inside them as soon as I can and avoid living for as long as possible. Converge, Manchester Orchestra, Brand New. Right now, Crack The Skye by Mastodon is all over my life, I could exist inside this album and be fine, so I think I will for a while.

Been thinking a lot these past few days. I don't know if I believe in fate, but I believe we are all doomed in varying ways, and I'm starting to think I've found the course that's set out for me, no matter how hard I try to steer the other way. It's not too bad if it goes how I think it could; rather a waste of time, money, and emotion.

I'm rather obviously alone at the moment. No one seems to care too much. They're mostly wrapped up in enjoying the things I wish I had.

I walked home today and wished that everything I saw on the way home would burst into vapour and die.