I don't know about others, maybe it comes easy, but for me the journey from liking someone to actually doing something about it takes a hell of a lot out of me. I get tired, I get ill, I get all sorts of things going on that I don't like having to deal with, but force myself through because of what they might be for.

In that sense, I suppose you could say I'm all kinds of naive. To wreck yourself for a chance of happiness, or to be more accurate, and as I've mentioned before, just being not unhappy. It's not like I'm blackened all the time, ok, it's more like theres a lightbulb flickering above my head and if I could just jump up high enough to knock it and make it stay on, that would be perfect and (haha) everything would be illuminated.

(If you got that, it means nothing major, it's just a stupid private-ish joke that presented itself.)

Anyway, this is just to get out through my fingertips how I've already done this once this summer; how I've already harvested all of the energy and patience I had as far as love is concerned (for a nothing of my own choosing, I will add), and now that the seeds have grown into something once more, how much I'm not going to like the decisions I'm now going to have to make.